A Beautiful Mess

 For the past year, I have written in a journal everyday. My first journal, or diary as I called it back then, was started in the 4^th grade. It was small with a lock and key so that I could write privately about my life without my mother or sister reading my secrets. I don’t have the little diary now but I wish that I did. I’m curious what I thought was important enough to write about as a ten-year-old girl.

 

These days, I have adopted a style of journaling that incorporates writing and also simple artwork, embellishments, stamps, washi tape, colored pencils, and markers. A verse that speaks to me on any given day will be added to my journal. I love quotes so if I find one that catches my interest, I will jot it down. As I read a magazine or newspaper and find a worthy article or picture, I will cut it out and paste it in my journal. Often times, one word will jump off the page and I will grab my scissors, cut it out, and place it in my journal.

 

Yesterday, while browsing through a magazine, I saw these words, "A Beautiful Mess". There was something so intriguing, mesmerizing, humorous, and curious about those words. I didn’t want to forget them so I immediately cut it out and pasted it in my journal. Prompted by those three little words, the following is my journal entry:

"A Beautiful Mess" – those words are the perfect definition of my life. Believe me, it’s true. There have been many times which can be described, without hesitation, as chaotic and difficult for a variety of reasons. To be brutally honest, most of my messiness comes from broken or failed relationships. An admission of guilt is not something that I enjoy, however, I do know that in most circumstances, the blame falls squarely on my shoulders. Ouch! A confession like that really hurts. But, I believe in just being honest about who I am and admitting that I have made mistakes and, no surprise, I have suffered the consequences.
 

So, knowing all this, one would have every reason to ask, "Can a messy and fractured life be beautiful?" The answer comes in God’s Word, Isaiah 43:4a, "Since you are precious in my sight, since you are honored . . . I love you." Yes, even though I have made bad choices, flawed and failed, God tells me I am precious. He forgives and says that He loves me. And the good news is that He can take my messy life and make something beautiful of it. God sees me as "a beautiful mess".



My perspective about relationships and life has matured. I am less self-centered and more thoughtfully focused on those who are important to. It’s taken me longer to get there than it should have but I do believe that God has been patient and has allowed me time to get my act together and clean up some of my messes.



Journaling has proven to be a valuable tool in my spiritual and emotional journey. Through my writing, I have honestly expressed my thoughts and feelings and have grown in the process. In retrospect, I admit to failure but place my trust in the One who knows me, forgives me, and loves me, even in my beautiful mess.