TEN THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

I didn’t realize just how wise my mother was until I was well into adulthood. I don’t know exactly when I finally figured it out but it must have been somewhere around the time I started quoting her quaint little sayings and the day I looked in the mirror and saw her reflection looking back at me! My nightmare of becoming my mother happened and as I have discovered, it’s something I am most proud of.

An adage is an old and well-known saying that expresses a general truth. My mother was full of them and seldom a day went by that she didn’t pull one out of her hat and fit it into any conversation or situation. I often wondered, where did she learn these clever and often times annoying quotes? My best guess is that she learned them from her mother. And Grandma learned them from her mother. And so it goes.

Here are some of the things my mother taught me and I must say, they have served me well. As a matter of fact, I wish I could have applied them more often because I’m certain I would have saved myself moments of embarrassment and humiliation.

1. If you can’t say anything nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. (No further explanation needed)

2. Don’t judge a book by its cover. (Do not judge others because we don’t know their struggles, physical pain, pressure, or stress. What I perceive in others may not be their reality!)

3. Laughter is good medicine. (For me, a good cure for the blahs is to watch reruns of Frazier or Seinfeld, SNL skits on YouTube, or spend time with my friends.)

4. Pretty is as pretty does. (Beauty is defined by one’s conduct. This was mother’s way of saying ‘sit down and be quiet!’. Needless to say, I heard this one a lot.)

5. Stand up straight and don’t slouch. (Mother always encouraged me to be proud that I was tall and to carry myself like a lady.)

6. Wash your face and brush your hair before going to bed. (Although this isn’t exactly an adage, it carries a lot of truth. I can count on one hand the times I have gone to sleep at night without washing my face. I can’t promise it will keep the wrinkles away but I do believe it is a
healthy way to end the day – and it makes mother happy.)

7. There’s always a lesson to be learned. (Funny thing about this one is that the older mother becomes, the more often she says this. Or is it that she sees more opportunities for me to evaluate my life and discover what I need to learn from it?)

8. Be Who You Are. (Actually, she often said to “just be yourself”. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. What a simple notion, right? But in our world where we are constantly bombarded by advertisers to look a certain way, it can be difficult to just accept the way I am.)


9. Silence is Golden. (Oh, mother had an arsenal full of quotes, scriptures, and clever sayings about the tongue. Basically, my sassy mouth got me into trouble more than anything else. I’ve proven to be a slow learner in this area.)

And the last thing I learned from my mother was never actually put into words. But she has lived it and by example, I learned it, too:
10. Dwelling on the past is generally a waste of time. (This conjures up feelings of regret, failure, and sadness, all of which are negative and depressing.)

I am blessed to have my mother in my life. She is one of the finest Christians I have ever known. She made a few mistakes along the way but she always strived to follow the Good Book and be the best mother she could possibly be. And that is another truth worth repeating.

THE UGLIEST CHRISTMAS TREE

It was Christmas 1983. As a newly divorced mom with two small daughters, I was carrying a heavy burden of a failed marriage. I was struggling financially and it was all I could do to make a mortgage payment, buy groceries and everything else to keep my little family afloat.

I desperately wanted to give my kids a good Christmas in spite of the recent turmoil in their young lives. Cabbage Patch Kids were big that year and, of course, my girls wanted what every other little girl would have under their Christmas tree. Thank goodness for lay-a-way which allowed me to buy them the things on their wish lists.

Our family tradition was to purchase and decorate a live Christmas tree soon after the first of December. I’m “old school” and never had an artificial tree so when it came time to buy a tree, I worried about the cost. I heard that someone was selling Christmas trees east of town on the side of the road and they were cheap. I was so excited! We loaded up in the car and set out to buy a live tree.

When we found the man parked along the road, we also found the ugliest trees you could ever imagine. They were small, scrawny cedar trees that you would find growing in a field. The kind that landowners hate and consider them a nuisance. But for $5 a tree, and two little girls sitting in the car with anticipation in their eyes, I had no choice but to buy one.

We managed to get it home. The trunk was cut on the diagonal, it was not straight, and it was so itchy it stung my hands to touch it. So, with gloves on, I positioned it in the tree stand, more than once, and finally got it to stand upright. We gingerly placed our lights and ornaments on the worst tree I had ever seen.

My girls were delighted that we had a real tree with pretty decorations. They never complained about its size, its lack of beauty, or that it was scratchy and crooked. They knew that Santa would come and he would find their Christmas tree where under it he would place their Cabbage Patch dolls and other toys.

I’ve thought of that Christmas a lot these past couple of days. In spite of everything that was against me, my kids had a good Christmas. I am reminded that my Christmas is what I make of it. If it is about spending time with my family and friends and thanking God for His gift to all humanity, I have grasped the true meaning of Christmas. If I am fretting about spending money, decorating the house appropriately, and buying gifts to out-do what was done last year, I’m afraid I have missed the boat.

My reality check is to remember that Christmas 30 years ago when all I wanted for Christmas was to see my children happy during a stressful period in our lives. Even now, the memory of that ugly little tree, which was decorated with love and handmade ornaments, warms my heart and reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas.

TIME AND TRUTH GO HAND IN HAND

Time and truth go hand in hand. I heard this quoted recently and have given some thought to its meaning and significance. In a world where truth and honesty are not necessarily encouraged or expected, it’s good to know that, in time, the truth will be revealed. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not talking about seeking revenge. Revenge is generally a waste of time and something I would not recommend. Rather, this is a quiet confidence deep in my soul that tells me, in time, TRUTH WILL PREVAIL.

Case in point. An American missionary to the Philippines was in the news recently as he was arrested by the Philippines National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) Anti-Human Trafficking Division. After being detained for 22 days, the missionary was cleared of all charges, released, and has since returned to the United States. James and I have followed the case and were relieved that the missionary was released. However, conflicting and compelling stories have been circulating and for us, questions remain. We want the truth to come to light and believe, in time, it will.


Another case in point, and on a more personal level, a few years ago James and I had to deal with an untrue and ugly accusation. We knew the truth and resented the perpetrator but together we resolved to stand firm, hold our heads high, and trust that good would overcome evil and it did. Eventually, the lies crumbled and our integrity was redeemed. It took patience and courage to withstand the attacks.

I share this with you, not because it is strikingly novel or profound and actually there are several articles and blogs on this particular subject which are written by far more wise and astute people than me. However, occasionally I, and perhaps you, need a reminder that honesty and truthfulness are not obsolete or old-fashioned ideals and with time and perseverance, the truth will shed light on a dark and tenuous situation. James and I didn’t lose hope when we found ourselves in a desperate predicament and we have not lost hope that the truth will be revealed with the story in the Philippines.


I can only encourage you that if you are struggling with someone or something that is less than honest, or even worse is a blatant lie, do not lose hope. In John 8:32, Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Hold fast to His words, stand firm, and be confident in knowing that “time and truth go hand in hand”.